Mondayyyyy at Camp Lets Stress the Editors!

"BOOM.CRASH.BANG.BANG.BANG.AHHHHHHH" and those were the noises of my dorm at 1 AM, brought to you by the sophmore girls of the newspaper and yearbook staff.
So much to tell so I'll start on Monday. I got to the college and discovered that 1) no internet connection in the dorms and 2) I was rooming with 2 newspaper "newbies" who are incoming sophomores and one yearbook junior. I walked into that dorm and it wasn't that bad, but still 1 shower/sink/mirror/toilet for the use of 4 girls can stress one out, and that was the minimum point of my stress.
So the name of the hall was called, "Oceanview" and the view that I got was one of the cemetary...um freaky? One of the girls I was with actually got so freaked out by this that she moved her bed out of the range of the window so she wouldn't wake up and see it. My bed was pretty cozy thanks to $20 TARGET sheets and $20 comforter from TARGET. Other girls were just using a sheet, not even to cover the mattress. Call me spoiled, but there is no way in hell I was TOUCHING that mattress with my hands, yet my entire body.
I'm pretty sure I had the most luggage out of anyone at the camp. My suitcase is HUGE and in addition to that I had my laptop bag, purse and a bag for my comforter.. My friend N came up to me and asked if I was planning on going to stay there for college..not after living in that dorm I'm not.
After Unpacking and claming my "corner" (and I use that term loosely), we had to go back downstairs for orientation. I met my new staffers (more on them later) and then we went to class for the first time. I was in 2 classes where the others where in one so talk about trying to learn everything! Thankfully the newspaper class I was in, I pretty much knew everything so I didn't really need to be there and I was able to devote more of my time to the InDesign class.
Dinner came around and then there was a "song" contest..my school lost. No suprise there.
Had some more meetings and got to go back to the dorms at 11 and curfew was at 12. Got to sleep at 3 AM.
Tuesday was more of the same, but with MUCH more stress and work for me.
I'm actually suffering from a minor case of exhaustion right now since during this "camp" I got so caught up in the work I stupidly forgot to drink water and eat along with sleep more than 3 hours a night, so it's a miracle I'm stil awake. Probably because I'm waiting for food to come home with my father, since I'm too "weak" (yeah I'm milking this) to cook.
Post about Tuedsay- Thursday will be coming tommorow!!

Going Home today!!!

Hello my readers!
I've been away forever (ok 4 days at this place and it would feel like forever to you too) and this place doesn't have internet except for certain places, which does not include my dorm room. You need an ethernet cable or something..
I get to get out of here at 12:30 and I am mentally and physically exhausted, I have never worked so hard in my life. More on working with unexperienced staffers later!!
More to come later and trust me I am SO ready to rant and share these stories!!
XOXO

By the way I'm in this class right now about quotes and getting good ones and they must get their material offline because I have been in the class before...last summer in Washington DC..
Let me leave you with an example of a bad one.
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix" - Dan Quail.
"We dont necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude cetain types of people" - Director of the ROTC.

Still Alive

So it's my second day at newspaper camp and oh my, what a day!
I had three hours of sleep last night thanks to me being the oldest one in the room and I have to review everyone elses papers and teach how to do things, but more of that later.
This is going to be a post where I have to keep continuing things at different times. There is no internet in the dorm rooms, only the common rooms (seriously wtf), so I go online when I have the chance, for instance right now everyone is eating and I'm typing this. I look like I'm addicted to my laptop, oh well.
I have more classes than anyone else here in newspaper, I'm taking a basic newspaper class at times and then I have to take an Adobe InDesign class so that I can teach it to the class at the beginning of the school year.
So far the worst drama I've encountered is my own. Last night my Microsoft Word decided to stop working. AGGGGGH. EVERY SINGLE ARTICLE I'VE WRITTEN PLUS THE ONE I WAS IN THE PROCESS OF IS NOT AVAILABLE TO VIEW! Basically what I've found out that happened is I thought I had bought Word, where actually it was a 60 day trial and I was just never told. My trial was up yesterday so that's that. I could buy it while I'm here, but I don't have a credit card number only my debit card. So now I have to use stupid notepad or something like that.
OK lunch is over in 5 minutes so I'll update later. I find it pretty ironic though that of all times my Word had to decide to stop working is at NEWSPAPER CAMP. Seriously is my luck good or what?
On another note, I've decided that I want to have my own room in college...it's a must.

Hospitals are a funny place

I can't believe that I'm actually up this early. I had to go to work with my dad this morning so I'm sitting in the atrium of the hospital with a coffee and my lap top listening to all the different conversations. My newspaper conference is at a college not far from here so one of my dad's nurses will be taking me at 12. I'm not looking forward to this conference. The people who are going aren't really people I'm friendly with and it's mostly yearbook kids. This is pretty pathetic but at my school it's not just journalism kids, you're either a newspaper staffer or a yearbooker. And the two groups? they don't get along with eachother. Seriously, a girl I used to be friendly with is in yearbook and she won't even talk to me now....what the hell? Talk about high school drama.
I was looking at the list of people going and I realized I am the only senior girl on the newspaper staff..um awkward? One kid J, who I got along with well last year is going to be there, but the school is all obesessive about not letting the girls hang around the guy too much...seriously it's a public school.

This morning I am definitly a sight for sore eyes. I had to bring my HUGE suitcase with me that has my sheets, pillows, towels, etc. My dad is all "all you leaving for NYC? You're going for 4 days! What could you possibly be bringing?!" He's telling me. My suitcase is full of 2 water bottles, a bunch of snacks (since I'm limited to what I can eat..I'm going to be living on ThinkThin protien bars), sheets, pillow, comforter, towel, robe, clothes, dresses (for a coctail BOTOX party that I will be attending with my dad. more on that part of my life later) jewlery, chargers, shoes, toiletries..the list goes on and on. I don't know why I packed this much, maybe because I want to make sure that I have enough clothes and that they are the right ones, meaning that I want to impress people going. Shoot me now, I am pathetic and what's more is that I'm realizing how pathetic this all sounds.

On another note may I just say how funny hospitals are? I'm sitting in the atrium and listening to this old woman scream at the operator on her cell about how the operator is "an idiot and my grandson who is 2.5 can operate this shit better than you can"..um ok thanks lady. Now she's talking about wanting to kill her husband who is apperantly going to get a CAT SCAN right now. Hey lady want some vodka? She is right in my ear so it's not like I'm purposely listening to the conversation...woah now she's talking about her husband dying and what she's going to get out of his trust fund..my gosh lady have some sympathy for your husband! OK I'll stop...

I don't want to get old. I was on the elevator this morning and this one old woman on an oxygen tank was with someone, probably her daughter, anyways the old woman started asking me questions, obviously thinking I was someone else. Her daughter just gave me this look that was along the lines of "what can you do?", but it was sad. I don't want to lose my mind. It's funny, I've grown up in this hospital, I've come here with my dad all my life. I was born here, had all my surgeries here, I even worked in the maternity ward here two years ago, but I'm just now realizing how mixed the emotions are here. On the second floor babies are being born and grandparents are being made, on the third floor people are undergoing cancer treatments, the ground floor is the Emergency room where people don't know whether or not their loved ones will live and doctors are racing around the clock trying to save them. This should all be common sense, right? I can't believe that I'm just now realizing all this, like really realizing. I had always been aware, but it never really hit me before.

Maybe it's because from the time I was little I had been coming with my dad to do rounds that this stuff doesn't affect me like it would a normal person, and I've grown imune to what's really going on here. Or maybe it's because I've never experienced anything negative here. All my surgeries have gone well and I've never visited any of my family members here while they were dying, only when they had babies. I guess my point is that it's strange to think that this place that I've been coming to my whole life has such a strange wave of emotions and that I've never really picked up on it.

Now that I've bored you all to tears with my thoughts on this place (seriously sorry, but I'm bored out of my mind and I'm staying out of the office as they are performing lipo and facelifts and I really don't want to accidentally see any of that. Those shows on TV have NOTHING on what I've seen.. the real stuff is far more disgusting and it probably doesn't help matters when I start gagging and my dad yells at me to get out. )

2 more hours until conference time. I'll post later as I will be needing communication to the outside world! They are all such snots, except for a few people that I acutally enjoy hanging around and they have such stupid typical drama. You bet I'll have some funny stories to share. It's a college so they are bound to have internet, correct? If they don't I will go crazy, but know that if I don't post after 5 days one of them probably killed me for being a member of the opposite staff and they killed me with a hairdryer..or a yearbook. Probably whatever they have available. The worst my newspaper could do is give someone a paper cut, those yearbooks on the other hand? Those things could knock someone out for real, with their 400 pages. Pray for me, I'll be needing the strength so I don't go all bitch crazy on one of them! More to come...

Online Scrapbooking is my new best friend.

Last night after I finished writing my post, I was browsing on some other blogs. One blogger (sorry, I don't remember who it was) was posting about online scrapbooking and photo books. I take photos all the time and I've tried scrapbooking by hand, but I'm just not at all artistic. Seriously I've gone to scrapbooking classes and I couldn't even do it, with the instructor right in front of me. I lack the Arts and Crafts gene, which is funny since everyone else in my family was "artsy", oh well none of them can write either...

Anyways I started out at Snapfish and saw that you can upload your photo's to them and they'll print the first 50 for free! That's great and all, but when I do print out photos they don't do anything besdes sit in of of my many photo albums and collect dust. So than I read about this great invention called online scrapbooking. I've done digital scrapbooking before using some computer programs (that I don't remember the name of - I had two), and it was SO easy for a non artistic person like me!

I decided to check out some websites to see what they offered. The first one charges $7.50 PER PAGE, so thats not going to happen. I have a lot of pictures and I don't think three pages is going to be enough, I must admit that the sample pages were beautiful and it only takes seven minutes to make them. Maybe someday when I'm a mom and I have that kind of urge to make everyone look perfect, for now though, no way.

The second place I checked out was called Picaboo and I had used the program before,but I didn't like it because you couldn't place the photos the way you want them.

I should probably back up here and explain why I'm trying to find an online scrapbook/photobook spot. I've taken photos of A since she was 16 months old and I have about 300 of them just sitting on my computer. I've printed some out for her mom for Mothers day and Christmas, but I want to give them all to A when I leave for college. Her mom made her this beautiful scrapbook (From hand, unlike me) and she loves to look at herself so my thought was to make her a photobook that isn't necesarrily a scrapbook, but it's printed like a real book and will have her pictures in it. You can write stories or little things under the pictures, which I love and so far it's turned out really well. I almost forgot to mention what I'm using, it's called My Publisher and you get the first book FREE! Or so they claim. Actually what's free is a COPY of the first book that you make. Books start at $29.99 for a page of about 30 (I can't remember) and each additional page is 99 cents. You can fit up to 12 pictures on each page, or you can choose how many to stick on there, each book holds up too 100 pages.

The book itself is really neat and from what I've seen everything comes out great. I started my book for A last night and so far my book has 43 pages in it. My total is about $50.00 but I'm only putting about 4 or 5 pics per every two pages. I just one giant picture on every other page. Expensive, not really considering it's a BOOK and that I could be paying a hell of a lot more somewhere else, but it is going to be a little pricey, especially by the time I get done with it. The good news about it though is that she'll have a copy and I'll get the free one so I can keep it and have all the photos I've taken of her organized and ready to show people when they ask (which they often do) what I do for a living. So if anyone was looking for a great birthday/Christmas/Hannakuh present there you go. It's so simple to make, but be warned, it gets addictive!

Now that I've endorsed them, you think they'll give me some more pages for free?!... Please?

"I love you THIS much!"

Today was a very lazy Saturday. I got up at 11ish and decided that I didn't want to get out of bed yet so I grabbed a book I've been meaning to read off my bookshelf. After some interruptions from my brother and his friend (really, you're back already...why?) I stopped my reading and went to Costco with my dad. I'm really starting to know my way around that place - two times in one week..too bad I never actually buy anything I need when I'm there. I try to eat Organic foods as much as possible, so there are only a few things I buy food wise at Costco. The big bags of Cascadian Farms berries is the best possible thing ever, since I pretty much live on smoothies.

Came home and it was time to go to work. I got there and A was being cranky, but that stopped as soon as mom and dad left. She has this thing where she only wants to play baby, and she is the baby which entails actually giving her a bottle and putting on an old diaper. I don't encourage this game at all, but her other nanny that watches her while I'm at school plays it with her so I have to hear all the crying and whining when I don't let her have a bottle or put a diaper on her. Her mom is getting pretty fed up with it too, she asked me tonight for advice on how to get A to stop this and I nicely said that she might want to stop giving her the bottles etc..

A uses the whole baby thing as an excuse when she doesn't want to do things. For example she is having this phase where she doesn't want to wear any type of bottoms except underwear, regardless of where we are. "You have to wear bottoms," I tell her, her response is "but babies don't wear them." Listen kid I don't know what kind of baby you've seen, but I can pretty much assure you that they do, now put on some pants and stop crawling on the floor! I've always heard that kids have the stage of terrible two's, not this child, for her its been the terrible threes.

Tonight at dinner she looks at me and goes, "K you are my best friend in the whole entire world." then she goes, "I love you THIS MUCH" and spreads her arms out as far as they can go. She is the sweetest thing when she wants to be. When she was younger I would read her the book "Guess How Much I love you" over and over again, now that she's older she only likes certain books and doesn't let me pick what the stories are. After I would read the book, I would tell her things like "I love you all the way to the sky" and she would respond with "I love you all the way to the sky." I love that she still remembers it and makes up her own things now. After dinner and many many rounds of "I love you to the -" we went outside and blew some bubbles. I love how her little face lights up at the sight of seeing the bubbles go all around and as she catches and pops them. I had my camera with me of course so I took some pics. I know I have my rule about not showing her face on here, but this one is blurry so I think it's okay.

She moved right as I went to take the picture, but it's pretty funny. She's jumping up to catch it and she has her arms outstretched!

After bubbles we went inside and played some games of Hide N Seek, which she still doesn't get how to play. I'll hide and she tries to finds me, but she keeps yelling for me to make noise so that she can find me! When she hides, she'll tell me where she is and then make duck noises until I find her. I can explain the real way of playing it a hundred times to her, but she still wouldn't understand it!

As I was putting her to bed, I told her that I wasn't going to see her for a few days because I had a conference to go to. I told her that she had to give me a really big hug so that it would last for a few days and as she's hugging me, she yells out, "This is the BEST HUG EVER!" I laughed, it was cute. After her mandatory two stories and 5 songs she is finally in her crib and I'm rubbing her back when she grabs my hand. "I want you to stay here with me in my room for ever and ever and ever, OK?" I couldn't help it, the tears came. The lights were off so she couldn't see me, but I squeezed her hand a little bit tighter. I remember people leaving me when I was about 6 and I couldn't understand why they weren't there. A is only 3, when I go to college she'll be 4. Will she hate me forever for leaving her?! She won't be able to understand why I have to go to school away when she knows that my family is still living down the street from her.

When she was younger it used to be that I was the only one besides her mom that she would let get her out of her crib and hold her, this poor kid doesn't know life without me coming over on Saturday night. How the hell is what I do going to affect her and how she trusts me. She cried when I left her room tonight (which she hasn't done in forever) and kept calling for me from the other room for a good 20 minutes. I went back in once and again she grabbed my hand and held it tight while snuggling up next to my arm, it broke me to have to let go of her. "Promise me you'll always hear me OK? and you'll always love me too right?" she asks right before I let go. "Always."I reply, "Even if I'm not here you'll always be in my heart." She yawns and then says, "you'll always be in mine too." Then her eyes fluttered as she fell asleep and I let the tears fall down my cheeks as I realized that this is the kind of love that people look all their lives for, and I've found it in the tender heart of a three year old.

Sometimes I want to throw my laptop at the wall

This is my second time writing this post. The first time I was half way done and uploading pictures when my computer decided to freeze on me. I love my HP, I think it's one of the best things I have (Electronic wise), but what is THE deal with Windows Vista? My old Dell which I hated, had Windows XP and I loved it. I can't afford an Apple so I have to stick with PC, but does anyone know anything that will make Vista run smoother?

Tonight I spent time with my dad. He made me drive (which I really don't mind) and first thing on our list was to go to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We don't go for the Cheesecake, although I wouldn't mind having some - we go

for the Thai Lettuce Wraps that are one of my all time favorite foods. I make them at home, but I love TCF's peanut sauce. Anyways while we were there I decided that I was going to try and take some crafty pictures. After a year of just using my amazing Canon camera, I finally learned how to use the macro and manual settings correctly. My first attempt at it was yesterday with the jewelry, but this time I tried something more.

I love the teapot shot, I don't know why. My dad clearly had no idea what I was doing. "Why are you taking pictures of the teapot and the candle," he kept asking. I tried to explain to him that I was practicing my hobby, he sort of gave me a look of "why are you so stange?" Hey dad, it's called being young and of Generation X, where we live on electronics, digital cameras included.

After Dinner we went to Target because I realized uh yesterday, that I am going to a Newspaper seminar on Monday and I don't have anything that I need. The list is really quiet strange; backpack (check), old magazines (uh check, why?), twin bedding (nope)... Thank God Target sells stuff for college. For $40 I was able to buy a pillow, a twin comforter and twin bedding, since I have none as my bed is a full.

Everywhere in the store signs were screaming at me, "College '08!" and for a second my heart stopped beating. This will be the real thing in a year, I will really be shopping for my dorm. I had a feeling of panic and excitement all in one. My dad was feeling it too as he told me that we need to figure out a communication plan. Apparently he thinks I won't be calling him. ever. He is very wrong. For Christmas I'm going to get him a webcam as he thinks that mine thats built into my laptop is the coolest thing ever. He gets a kick out of it when I talk to my friend on it, he's not very tech savy.

While at Target I also got a robe because even though I have two already, neither of them would ever fit into my suitcase as they are the big fluffy kind that no Floridian should own. I found a cute white dress to wear to seminar and picked up some Expo markers for my dry erase board that is still waiting for someone to get around to hanging it up.

I forgot to mention something that was really cute that happened during my photos yesterday. I had A with me of course and all the people thought she was my sister, I didn't correct them either. I was done with the senior portion and was taking casual when she runs up and gives me a hug. The camera guy goes, "oh why doesn't she stay in the picture?" so I had some professional shots taken with A! I saw a preview of them on the camera and they are adorable! I'm so happy - I also try and take pics of us, but it's always with me holding the camera at an arms reach. I took some pictures of me yesterday when I got home and so far here is one of the favorites of everyone thats seen them, which is alot as they are on my facebook.

It's not my favorite, but it is very pretty. More soon. Have a good weekend! I'll be packing, working and hopefuly relaxing!

The Princess and the Pictures

Once upon a time in a city in South Florida, there lived a girl who was on summer vacation. During her summer vacation, the girl learned that she was required to go and get her Senior school pictures taken...This is her story.

OK I apologize about the above, but apparently I've been reading too many princess stories to A! and then at the end where I added "This is her story", that totally came off of my obsession with Law and Order: SVU.

So today was my big day. I was rudely awoken by my father at 7:30, telling me that the construction guy was going to come. Um OK, thanks for the notice, what exactly does this have to do with me? Nothing? Than WHY are you in my room, yelling at 7:30!? Anyways after that drama, I couldn't fall back asleep and with only 3 hours of sleep I had gotten, I decided to take it easy and paint my nails, take pictures of the jewelry I was going to wear (I still don't know why I took pictures, that's strange) and watch some of Live! Regis and Kelly, before heading off to get my hair done.

At 10:15 my driver for the day, also known as D, which is also my godmom and A's momma picked me up and dropped me off at the appointment. With hair re-highlighted to a lovely honey blond (I had to make it look like I had SOME color on me, for a Floridian I'm very pale.) I was than on my way to the mall to Saks 5th Ave to get my makeup done. Let me be clear about this, I live with men. I can not do my own makeup except for the very basics and even than it's debatable. I am a nanny, I do not make a lot of money so for me to go to SAKS 5TH and treat myself with purchase of Armani lipstick (so I could get the rest done) is a very rare thing, however it made me feel BEAUTIFUL!

The woman who did the makeup was so great, and I will definitely go back to her. I looked in the mirror and I looked like a completely different person and I LOVED it! The circles under my eyes were gone, the blemishes, I looked refreshed and OVER 21!! With my hair done and make up completed I felt like a princess!

We got lost on our way to the studio, but other than that things were going smoothly. Because I am D's nanny and she was the one taking me to the studio, it was natural that A would come with us. I walked in there with her and they all started cooing over her. She was oblivious to the conversation as she only wanted to be snuggled up next to me and follow me where ever I was going. Finally it came time for the pictures to be taken and I had to put a drape on. I posed in all sorts of poses and was contemplating in my mind what it must be like to be a model. Head here, hair there, eyes here, look up, look left...it's exhausting.
The woman taking the pictures was quiet a talker. She started talking to me and somehow felt the need to share with me, her "saddest story ever". I should also say that everyone there thought that D was my mom and A was my sister. They kept telling A to "go give sissy a hug", etc and A would do it..I've always thought of her though as my baby sister so it didn't bother me. Anyways the woman wanted to share her story with me.
"There was this girl in here who had a very over controlling mother who wanted everything to look just perfect for her daughter's pictures. The girl started to get annoyed with her mom and they left the studio in a huff. A girl came in after her and sat down and started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that, she wished she had a mom like that, the girl hadn't seen her mom for years and didn't know where she was." The woman stopped and waited for my reaction. I hadn't seen her, but D came up from behind me and was squeezing my hand, I squeezed back hoping that she would read my mind to just let it go, don't say anything, just keep pretending I'm your kid. No such luck. "Don't start crying." said D. The photographer turned around, her face puzzled. D turned to the woman, "that story you just told," she said, "that's her story." The woman was clearly stunned and embarrassed that she had said anything. "It's fine," I told her. "I'm used to things like that, just keep taking the pictures," I said. "I promise I'm OK, no tears here"
I pushed the thoughts out of my mind as fast as I could. Even at a photography studio where no one knew my past, who I was, anything about me, I couldn't get away with it. I couldn't get away with pretending to be someone else, pretending to be part of a family with a mother and a little sister. The woman resumed taking photos and although you can see the smile on my face, my eyes had stopped lighting up. They were just sitting there and thankfully I only had to do two more shots. What everyone had been telling me was true, I won't ever be able to escape something major in my life without being reminded of my past. Even something as simple as a photo shoot for senior pictures could turn into a brief mourning. Yeah, I know that my mother should be here with me, I know that she should have helped me pick out what I was going to wear and how my hair should have been done, but it's not going to happen, ever. Not now and not on my wedding day. Not at Graduation.Not at the drop off for college. Not at the birth of my first child. I do not need another constant reminder that she's not there.
I don't know why that woman brought up that story or why that situation happened. Maybe it was a sign from God, showing me that I was strong, maybe it was a sign that was telling me to stop pretending, stop hiding from my past. I'll probably never know, but for those few hours where I was dressed and made up, with a different hair style and a different face, I felt a surge of confidence and beauty and it's OK to pretend - just as long as you don't make it the reality.

Freedom Writer

I just finished watching the movie Freedom Writers, which has to be one of the most inspiring and thought provoking movies I have ever seen in my life. I had seen it once before, about two years ago in a creative writing class, but had forgotten how much it gave me to think about. For anyone who hasn't seen it, I strongly recommend to go out and rent it.

The kids in this movie are all part of different gangs, different cultures, different backgrounds. This one teacher, Erin Gruell took their differences and made them all come together to see that they weren't that different from each other. The movie emphasized on how the kids were each fighting their own wars and it got me thinking about my life. What war am I fighting? We are all fighting for something; some people fight for their rights, others fight for their freedom, but what about the little things? What else is there that people fight for?

I feel like I'm fighting the odds everyday. I fight against becoming one more teen, one more person that succumbs to the disease of alcoholism. I'm fighting against becoming a drug addict, a school drop out, a smoker,a pregnant teen, a failure. These things are all embedded into my genes, and somehow each day I have to wake up and fight the odds that I won't become one more. I want to do something great, I want to help someone,I want to save someones life, if even through my writing.

I want to tell a child that had their family torn apart by something, to stay strong and to hold on. I can't promise anyone that things will get better because, truthfully I don't even know if things are better for me. Some days I have moments where I think about what it would be like to follow in my mothers footsteps, to become anorexic, to become an alcoholic, to become a wife and a mother that was never truly satisfied.

Come the fall of 2009, God willing, I will become the first woman on both sides of my family to go to college. I'm making a future for myself, I'm fighting the odds of just becoming a trophy wife. I'm fighting the odds of being a so called, "privileged white girl", I'm fighting the stereotypes that I've been cast into.

With all the fighting there has to come a point where you have to stop and either beat the war or give up. I'm not going to give up, I will win at whatever I do because I am determined. I have come too far to stop now, and I will not be pushed down. Not by society who judges on people's looks, not by the media who judges people's images, not by anyone who tells me that I can't, not by my genetics and certainly not by my peers.

So to all the 17 year olds out there who feel that they are on the outside because they don't drink and party, they don't smoke and do drugs, they don't have meaningless sex with strangers, don't stop doing what you believe in. The pressure to drop your morals and give in to the mess seems like the easiest thing to do at times, but the more you resist, the stronger you will be and that will give you the strength to someday win it all.

In the Spirit of cleaning...

In the spirit of cleaning, I have decided that my lovely room is a mess.

It's time to say bye -bye to the mess on my desk (which is currently being used as a place to store purses, papers, ect) and bookshelves. Adios to the things in my bathroom and Au Revior to the items on top of my dressor. In a previos post, I menioned that I cleaned everything single corner of my bathroom. I have a piece of furniture in there that is currently waiting to be cleaned out and then I will be making a trip to GoodWill to send it off.

My dressor is now extremely neat and tidy (except for the can of Macadamian nuts sitting on top of it), and for once in my life my purses actually have a place to live!

I own a lot of purses..over 30 to be exact and for a long time they lived on my desk chair, my desk, the floor, the closet, and most recently the large trunk that is going into the attic. Today however I went to Home Goods and purchased them a home for $10.99. A purse hanger is such a wonderful invention and I didn't know why I hadn't seen one sooner! It hangs lovely on the front of my bathroom door and after slamming the door multiple time to make sure that 1) it would still close and 2) the purses wouldn't fall off, it proved to be a success.

Take a look: 15 purses all hung up

Yes, on the right side those are autographed pictures of Regis, Kelly Ripa, and Courteneny Cox.

The next step in the cleaning process will most definitly be my desk. It's been a long time since I've used it for something more than a place to hold things. I've taken to doing my actual work on the bed. This is the desk as it is now.

I'm thinking that I'll probably need to clean up the bulliten board too!

So that's it for today. I'm loving my clean room and now I'm going to go watch the movie, Freedom Writers that I got today at CVS of all places. Senior Pictures are tommorow!!! I can't help but be a slight bit nervous and hope and pray that my face stays clear!!

Why you shouldn't take a toddler into Tiffanys and other common sense

Started my day by getting woken up at 8:30 by my phone. I really ought to change my ringtone as the song "Lollipop" by Lil Wayne is my current one, and seriously, hearing "shorty want a thug, bottles in the club.." first thing in the morning is not exactly what I want to hear. I had a friend set it on there and everytime I go to change it, something comes up.

Anyways turned out to be wrong number, but hey! guess what!? you get to wake up and see that whopee, your body has graced you with it's monthly suprise from hell. That should have been my first indication of things to come from this day.

Massage that was supposed to be given to my by my boss turned out to get cancelled as she just, "really needs to go to the mall because I forgot to get a present for my best friend's 40th bday party which is tommorow night, sorry about your appointment, come watch my kid." Which is just as well since I feel like a bloated whale that's been washed up on the beach. Seriously, bring on the Tylenol.

So after I took my shower and tried on a few different outfits that didn't scream, "HEY I'M SHAMU'S LONG LOST COUSIN!" I went to work and decided that I was going to tag along with momma and take A to the mall.

We loaded up the car, went to the bank and then off we went as I silently prayed that A would not break anything, hug strangers (seriously!! PARENTS DO SOMETHING!), or that I would pass out from exhaustion.

First stop was Janie and Jacks, which is a beautiful children's store that almost ALWAYS has the cutest clothes on sale. Also, Jennifer Garner dresses her daughter in stuff from there....not that it matters.. D (A's mom) went in there for a baby gift and instead ended up buying more clothes for A. The store is pretty small and I was in charge of the stroller (that is seriously the biggest piece of crap ever. Kolcraft, you should be ashamed of your umbrella strollers) which was loaded down by 2 heavy purses, a babydoll, A's purse and snacks. Of course A didn't want to sit in the thing and I had to hold it, because the thing would flip over backwards if not. A kept begging to go to "Pah-er-ey Barn!" "Pah-er-ey Barn!", which is her way of saying, hey lets get the hell out of here and go to Pottery Barn Kids so that I can play with the cool stuff that you guys won't buy me!

So off we went, stroller and all.

While in Pottery Barn, D had the idea to try and buy A her "big girl bed"..so more waiting. After A went and hugged a random nanny and I apologized like an idiot while D had NO problems with it (HELLO, KIDNAPPING?!) I spent the rest of the time trying to divert her from different people that she might attack with love. While in PBK, I bumped into an old teacher and her kids (which A promptly hugged) and we had a great time talking for 20 min. D was still looking at the 2 beds in the store, plus she found some of her friends. "So this is what you do for work?" teacher asked. "Yup, this is it." I replied..than we talked about colleges, cars, ect. She goes to my hairdresser and regualary gets the "scoop" on me so she knows of my upcoming trip to Gainsville and Orlando to go see colleges, which suprised me. More talking until A tried to hug one more person and I got sick of apologizing. Next stop was Tiffanys.

D had to go there to find a present for her friend. When I go into TIffanys, alone, I spend 30 minutes max in the store. Of course I can't afford half of the beautiful pieces, but it's still nice to try on and look. When you go with a toddler and an undecided mom somehow you end up spending 2 HOURS!! While in there, when I wasn't being attacked by A who wanted to touch everything (and as a result I kept getting evil glances shot at me from the clerks..hello I'm not the mom), I decided that I wanted a ring to wear for my picture on Thursday. I'm planning on wearing a Pearl necklace ad bracelet, but the ring I wanted was undecided. I work hard, so why shouldn't I reward myself? I tried on a few and they were lovely, however there was no way I could come to a decision when the toddler at my waist was pulling on my arm, wanting me to hold her baby. These are my selections however..I like them all!

The one in the middle is my favorite, but it's $200, where the one on the left is $100 and the one on the right is $135. If I really, really want the one in the middle than I have to wait until after my trip, because I need money for Orlando. There were so many others I loved, but I had to not even try them on because I can't afford them. There is an open heart one that would match my necklace that I got for my birthday last year, but I'll have to put that on my wishlist. One more thing that's going to go on there as a graduation present for myself is this beautiful bracelet.

They are both the same bracelet, and I love the one on the left, but you can add the charms to them! I've never had a charm bracelet (I don't have a lot of jewlry, some very simple pieces..and my grandfather was a jewler, go figure), and I think it would be extremely special if I had my family members and close friends pick out some of the charms to go on it when I graduate. It's not a very pricey collection (suprise!), so it's perfect.

D finally finished up her shopping and then it was back home with a very tired toddler who was not going to be satisfied by anything. D muttered to me under her breath that she sometimes wanted to strangle her. I smile because I know the feeling, and hey, thats the joys of parenting! I laugh now, but I have a feeling that everyone will be laughing at me when I'm in that situation and saying "I told you so!", because that's just how my karma likes to be, all bitchy and such. For now however, I'm enjoying be 17 and being (as much as life will allow) carefree.

And I don't feel the slightest bit guilty

I titled my post that way because of what I did this evening. I called my SAT math tutor and cancelled on her for tomorrow....because I was too busy hanging out with a friend to do my homework and I also have a massage scheduled for tomorrow, not at the same time, but two hours after would be tutoring. I think that just proves how lazy I am. My brain thinks like that all day long. "Hmm I have a ton of math work to do, but I guess it can just be put off until AFTER I get done reading Entertainment Weekly, after all I need to know everything I can about, uh..." or I love when I start to reason with myself - "OK do this fun stuff now, but than you have to swear on your Kate Spade that you will finish the laundry/math/dishes/cleaning, etc."
I'm thinking my butt needs to be kicked a little more.
My friend Stephanie came back from China today and she got me a beautiful pearl bracelet while she was there! Thanks Steph, I love it!!! I'll post a pic of it on here when I decided to actually take a picture. It's perfect timing on her part since I'm wearing my pearl necklace on Thursday for senior pics and now I have a bracelet.
In the spirit of getting organized, I went to Costco tonight and bought a dry erase board that will soon take up a good amount of wall space. It's going to be my "College to -do" board, as I have discovered that 1) I am good at making lists and 2) It satisfies me when I get to cross things off, this way it's visual!
I can't believe how my week has filled up all of a sudden. I was looking at my calendar today, trying to fit some things in and SUMMER WILL BE OVER IN A MONTH!!! That is impossible, there is no way.. I didn't do half of the things I needed too. oops. Still some time left...
Going to go read some Dooce and then off to bed, or maybe I'll upload some pictures.
One more thing, I am a somewhat secret (not anymore!) Victoria's Secret addict. I supposed that I fell into the traps when I discovered the joy of Victoria's Secret 60 % off sale!! My bra's that I shamefully spent almost $50.00 on are now $24.00 and my lovely panties are going for $3.00...now I just need to keep telling myself that I don't need any!!

College Essay Topics

It's official. I can now start applying to college!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh My Gah.
I've already filled out as much as I can for my top school's admission process and I'll have to wait until I get back to school to fill out the rest.
I'm hesitant to say what school I'm applying to and hoping to get in to. I've come to terms with the fact that I have to stay in Florida and now I'm actually very excited. I visited this school last December while on vacation and while I didn't fall in love with it at first, I've become more and more excited about the possibility of going there.
It's only a 2.5 hour drive away from home and it's in a major city. The media opportunities are great and there are lots and lots of people. Plus there is a Whole Foods (not that it's that important or anything). The plusses to this school are looking better and better. What's even better is that they have Apartment Style Living! I wouldn't have to SHARE MY ROOM!! Just my kitchen and bathroom, which I am totally fine with. PRIVACY!! YAY!! I get thrilled just thinking about it. The other state schools only offer apartment style living to Graduate students, but not at this LOVELY, FANTASTIC SCHOOL! AND I CAN GO THERE!!
I would LOVE to post on here what the school is, but for reasons like if say Idon't get in and people from the admissions office to the other schools I'm applying to find my blog, than I would like to at least have a chance at getting into the other schools.
The essay topics have been posted and I got an idea for my first sentance last night as I was falling asleep. Of course by then I was to tired to turn my laptop back on, but NOW I can type it out and make it become reality.
I really want to post them here, but for things like security reasons and the fact that I don't want someone else stealing my essay or idea topic, I can't risk it. After I get into college however, I will more than happily post EVERY single thing that I've ever written in regards to college on here.
It's so strange to think that a YEAR, 12 months, 364 days from now, This will ALL be over and I WILL BE ADMITTED INTO COLLEGE!!!!!!
Talk about life changing.

Batman, My Bathroom, and One Crazy Night

Today was great, but the night was fantastic!
Saw The Dark Knight today, holy smokes Batman! Go see it!
Christian Bale is soo hot and Heath Ledger did wonderful in
his final performance. You have to wonder who will replace him
in the next movie.
I came home to discover a hole in the wall of my bathroom.
Apparently dad had told our repairman to install my medicine cabinet.
I didn't know that would require cutting a hole in my wall!! I would have
never, ever suggested it! Anyways I cleaned my entire bathroom and I mean
really cleaned! I threw out four huge garbage bags full of old stuff. There is so much
space in all the drawers now and the closet, well that is unbelivable. The bathroom
doesn't even look like it belongs to me, now I just have to wait for the guy to come back
and fix up the hole.
My friend A called tonight and wanted to see if I wanted to have dinner with her and friend L.
Of course I did. We went to TGI Fridays and then decided to drive 30 minutes away to a coffee shop that
A, swore was open. Even though it's Sunday and most things are closed by 6.
We stopped for gas on our way there and it was in a really bad neighborhood.
L almost peed her pants in the back seat when she heard a scream. I had to laugh at her
shaking in the backseat and banging on the window for A to get back in the car.
"This is how we're going to die," said L. Not so my friend, not so.
A got back in the car and off we went. After some more laughs in the car and lots of turns we
found our coffee shop and it was closed. L was NOT happy. We decided to drive some more and
after some more turns and scary happenings, we came to a stop light.
2 guys in a black truck started to stare at us. A turned her head towards me saying "OMG" while
L was in the backseat "hiding" and laughing. We were all laughing. I looked at the guys. Odd looking
men they were with their missing teeth and beers in their hands. They waved at me, I started to laugh.
They laughed along with me. A and L were both laughing and L kept shout at A to "JUST GO ALREADY!"
The light turned green and A floored the car, leaving the men laughing at us 3 stupid scared girls.
Went back to our "neighborhood" and went for gellato. Peanut butter for me, cookies and cream for them.
Was delicous. Sat around and laughed about our night. Went to the parking garage and made movies.
Got waved at by some nice looking guys and some freaky looking ones.
Pictures were taken, memories were made.
A goes to college in 2 months to Arkansaw, L goes to the west coast of FL.
I'll miss them. No more gelatto nights, no more crazy car rides. Just memories.
The bad side to having older friends. They won't be here come the fall and it will just be me.
Everyone else away, either being a "Gator", a "Knight", a "Hog" or a "Knole".
I'll be one soon enough,but until than I'll have some reasons to travel.

Buy Me some Peanuts and Cracker Jacks..and maybe a baseball player.

It's a lovely Friday night. It's not too hott and humid and there is even a nice breeze thats going on. I didn't work today so I didn't leave my bed til 11:00 this morning and then I walked to Starbucks for a coffee that was on the house. Has anyone tried their new Mango,Orange, Banana smoothie? They look DELICOUS and I really wanted to try one, but the woman had already started my iced mocha. Oh well, next time.

Tonight I went to the mall and had dinner with an old friend from middle school. We hadn't seen eachother in 4 years, so it was strange at first, but after awhile things got comfortable. I got home and my dad and brother and his friend (who I really wish would stop coming over) had free tickets to our local baseball game, The Jupiter Hammerheads. The mascot is a shark who's name is Hamilton...very cute for the kids. He was walking around earlier. I always get bored at these things as no one shows up so I brought my laptop with me, couldn't hurt right. I should have suspected it, but I have gotten the strangest looks!! My father is doing paperwork next to me and I'm typing away. "Are you writing about the game?", some guy asked me. "Just keeping my boredom to a minimum," I replied.

My brother and friend are off somewhere, running around eating hot dogs or something so not sure why we're here exactly. As attractive as I find baseball players, these boys are doing absolutly nothing for me. I love the Major League games, the stadiums, everything about them.There is so much excitement and of course the free stuff is a major plus. We go to a game in whatever city we visit in the summer or fall or if we're lucky, the spring.

Have to shut this before I get hit with a foul, this guy can't hit for anything!!

Got to LOVE the webcam, no need to break out my digital!

A and the Baby Lizard

In South Florida there is much wildlife. We have alligators, manitees and of course LOTS and LOTS of GIGANTIC LIZARDS. I am NOT a nature lover and there has been many a time where I find a lizard in my house and run around and scream until someone will come and remove it for me. I have even been so freaked out that I would actually not sleep in the room because I was scared that it would hop, or slither, or however they get around on me while I was sleeping. Some people's greatest fear in life is flying, mine is reptiles.

3 year old A however is much braver than her 17 year old nanny. She will not only go near them, she wants to actually try and touch it (ewww). The girl is not scared of much and I'm not really sure what to think about that. Good thing, possibly, but she realy should be scared of some things, like hugging strangers - that is a different post all together though.

So we were on a walk one day, in the sweaty place that is home when we came across a lizard.

(Crocs - they're common where we live)

Now it was a baby lizard, but still it was a lizard.

"Look A," I said, "Its a baby." "Awwwww" she replied, "it's sooo cute!" So she put her hand near it. It didn't even move, just stood there.

" Is it DIED?" she asked? (yes, I realize that spells died, thats how she says it.) "No, I think it's just scared." I replied, ""I think he's looking for his mommy," A said.

After five minutes of staring at the lizard that would not crawl into her hand, after much begging on her part ("come here baby lizard, I won't hurt you"), she decided that she needed to tend to her baby dolls, and the little lizard was happily left where it belonged - outside near the grass.

(Photos are a new thing for me, I couldn't get the how I wanted them!)

A simple "Good Luck" will suffice!

I've been trying to think of something to compare the reaction that strangers have when finding out that I'm in my senior year of highschool, but the only thing that I can really, really, think it compares to is the reaction that woman get from strangers while pregnant. How so? Very simple.
Once complete stangers find out that you are on your way to college they want to give you all sort of advice. "Ohh, you're a senior?" they say, "where do you want to go to school?" (this is all done while laying a hand on my shoulder.) "Well I'm applying to X, Y, and Z" I say, "Oh. My son/daughter/husband/sister/cousin/nephew/friend's son/sister in law/neice/doctor went to college J, and they LOVED it, you should really apply there." First of all, stranger, thank you for your input. You asked me where I was applying to and I told you. I don't need to hear where the person who takes care of your house while your on vacation, went to college. And please, don't touch my arm. Secondly, when I tell you, complete stranger, that I'm going to be studying Journalism, don't start in with "Oh you should go to NYU, Columbia, Northwester, ect. they have GREAT journalism programs." Thank you, but I am very well AWARE of where the GREAT journalism schools are. I would LOVE to go to Northwestern or Columbia, but I can NOT afford that. I won't be getting any financial aid (because my dad's a doctor..seriously how stupid is that), so therefore I will be going to a public university in the state of Florida.
When it comes to advice, I understand that you want to give it, but for the sake of all of us, can you please not tell me stories of your college days. The average age of the person who wants to know about my collegepallooza is 45 and misses their childhood. Don't tell me about your stories of drinking from kegs, and sleeping with random guys. I do have friends in college you know.
These random strangers usually stop me when I am out with A. "Oh your toddler is so cute!, you're such a young mom!" um ok, probably because this child attatched to my hip is not mine. When I tell you this (on days that I feel like chatting, other times I just simply smile and nod), you then go on to ask me if I'll be bringing her to college with me. OK Lady, why would I be bringing a child that is NOT mine to college with me? What part of "NOT MINE" did not absorbe into your frosted colored hair?! so in answer to your question, no she is not going to college with me.
I said that this would all relate to pregnancy somehow and this is how I figure. From what I've been told, when your pregnant total and complete strangers want to come up to you touch your belly, and give you tons of unsolicited advice. and stories about their own pregnancy, or their daughter's, or their neighbors.. At first it's nice, (yes acknowledge that I'm pregnant and not just fat), but after awhile it gets exhausting. Pregnant women have an excuse to fall back on when they don't want to talk anymore ("excuse me, but this thing inside me is playing the damn drums on my bladder, I must be going."), however us college bound high school seniors don't get an easy way out. The most I can hope for is my cell phone to ring, and even than the random stranger thinks its ok to KEEP. TALKING. EVEN though I'm ON THE PHONE. I have yet to spend under 5 minutes with a person who is "interested" in my college crazed journey, so for now on I think the logical thing to do is simply nod, smile and when they want to know more, just give them business cards that list the address of this blog. Seems Simple enough, and hassle free too!

Time for Me

I just realized that I've been posting about A, but not really all that much about me. My reader base is getting bigger (yay!! and Thankyou!) so I guess I should start with some basics.
OK first is I am 17 years old. I am not your average teenager however. Why? you ask, well I'll tell you (obviously). When I was 6 years old, my mother was diagnosed with Hotchkins (spelling?) cancer. I'm very fuzzy on the details, as I can't really remember what went on. She lost her hair and my dad had to give her shots, that's pretty much all I remember. My mother was amazingly healed from the cancer and was told that she would live. My brother was born right before they found out she had cancer, so between the many, many nannies, I would play the role of "little mommy". I felt like it was my job, even though I know it wasn't. After the cancer my mother wasn't normal. She had always been a drinker, since she was 17 - my age now.
Before I was born and after my parents got married, my dad sent my mother to rehab for alchol and rumor has it that she did well - for awhile. In 1998, she went to rehab again. I was seven at the time and I really, really felt the pressure. My dad is an Emergency Room doctor, so he had crazy shifts that would last for odd periods of time. My grandmother came to stay with us, but things weren't the same. My brother was 1 and I still felt that need to be there for him. Extremely Long story short, (if you want the full story, there is a chance I might be publishing some essays soon) my mother finally left for her 3rd rehab program and never came home when I was 9. I didn't really even have trouble grasping it. When she left for the first time when I was 7, that's when I really felt that my mom was gone. I don't really remember having a mother that didn't drink or yell, or hit. The good memories are foggy, but the bad ones are still vivid. What I'm trying to get at is as sad as it seems, I grew up when I was 8. I don't really remember my "childhood". I've been told that I'm extremely mature for my age and I really am. I don't do the same things that other 17 year olds are out doing. I relate much, much better to people in their 20's and early 30's. In fact, most of my friends are in college already. The people in my age group just don't understand, unless of course something like that has happened to them. My best friend is my age, but she's an exception as I've known her since we were 2.
At times, it's hard to believe that I'm only 17. I'll be 18 in October, but my mental age feels so much older. I feel like I'm 26 most of the time and that I should be getting married and having kids, not taking SATs and going to Prom. It's quite frusterating at times, but I've learned how to deal with it mostly and I make the best out of circumstances.
One of the reasons I'm a nanny is because it's sort of embedded in my personality to take care of people. When someone is sick I'm the one at the door with soup. If someone needs to cry, I'm there to give a hug. I have this nurturing thing going on that I can not get rid of, no matter how hard I try. I cry when I read stories of kids who don't have parents, possibly because I can relate to them, but mostly because I want to help them. I quit a job watching 3 kids because the mother wouldn't focus on her children and they were so deprived for attention. As a result, my name got a bit tarnished by the mother, but I don't really mind. Yeah,it's a problem when your 3 year old starts sobbing uncontrollably because you wouldn't look at his artwork. It's also a problem when you encourage your 8 year old to wear makeup. The most ironic thing however, is this woman is writing a PARENTING book. When I was told this I almost had a heart attack. When her book comes out, I will be the FIRST to review it.
I want to share more, about my life, about my struggles, but this is sort of where I stop. It's one thing to share this kind of stuff to people you know, but it's another to share it to the internet where this stuff could come back to bite me in the butt. Especially if I want to be an Editor of a magazine, or on the E! channel...don't need to voluntarily air my dirty laundry. So that's just a little about who I am. I know it's not upbeat, or funny or how I normally write, but I wanted to clear some things up. I plan on posting again later with some really cute photos I took, plus I have to give an update on my ACT scores, my AP test scores and the oh so bad Senior pictures (which I am NOT looking forward too).
Feel free to comment, it's one of the things I love most about blogging - People's feedback.

Cute things that A says

I've known A since she was 16 months old and she's now 3.5. I was thinking today of things that she used to not be able to say, how she couldn't really say much and how now she's a little chatterbox. She, like most kids, says some of the cutest most random things so I thought that I would put some of them on here. I would LOVE to include pictures and videos, but after long consideration I don't think that it would be right of me to post her face and voice on here just for security reasons. If it was my kid, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but her parents don't post pictures of her anywhere and I figure it's their choice on whether or not they want their child's photo on the internet. I have some cute ones that don't have her face on them and I'll probably post those later.

On playing baby

A: I want to play baby, I'm the baby! I'm the baby! I'm the baby! (she says that for another 10 minutes, no matter what I say.)

Me: OK, sure and I'm the Queen of England.

A: No you're not your the Mommy!



On growing up

A: I think I'm grown up now because, look, I can touch the counter without standing on my tip toes,I just got on the potty by myself, also I can dress myself, brush my teeth, and eat pasta. I am so proud of myself!



On my age

Me: A, how old am I?

A: You are 5, I'm 3 and I'm your baby. The babydoll is your baby too -she's 1.

Me: I'm 5 huh? That's pretty young to have 2 babies. Do I have a husband?

A: Yeah you're married to Daddy!!

Me: I can't be married to Daddy, Mommy is.

A: No, You're married to him too.



On LOVE

A: I love you THIS MUCH! (spreads arms to ceiling)

Me: I love you all the way to the sky

A: I love you more than that!! I love you to the tree

Me:I love you to the ocean

A: You're my best friend, I love you with ALL my heart forever and ever.

Things that make my heart go "squee!"

I just have to say that I have some of the most amazing, kind people visit this blog! Somehow, 40 people that I don't know have managed to visit my small little blog that I started on a whim, and I have to admit that I LOVE it!! I'm planning on going to school to major in journalism (one more year!!), so the fact that people read my work, and LIKE what they're reading is amazing. I love writing and I'm on the staff of the newspaper at school, but there are only so many news stories that I can write about and come up with. Thankfully when I do come up with them, they're creative - it just takes a while (I love long deadlines.).
I'm actually being sent off to a required high school journalism training course in the next two weeks and although I'm pretty much aware of how to write Associated Press style (thank you to journalist and author Alicia Sheppard for the training!!), I still have trouble using InDesign, the program that we use to create the paper. Tech design is definitely NOT in the cards for me! I still have trouble using PowerPoint and Word, and I've been using them forever!!
I could go on about the paper forever, but that's not why I started to write tonight! Thanks to another blog, I found the BEST website with the absolute CUTEST layouts! What do you think? I'm an avid fan of scrap booking, so the fact that they had scrapbook type layouts made me extremely excited. I'm sure I'll be changing the background a few times a month!
Today I had off from work but was awoken by the screams that can only be described as something like a damn boat horn. If you've never heard one than consider yourself lucky. After going to bed at 3 AM, I expected to sleep in for awhile - wrong... My 12 year old brother somehow had not one, but TWO other extremely loud, demon like boys over at my house at 9 AM. I know, I know that's late for some people, however as a teenager it is my duty to sleep late and I can not fulfill that duty if people (read crazy on their way to jail in 3 years boys) go crazy in my living room, which is on the other side of my room.
I stumbled out to the kitchen to discover that the 3 of them were running around my living room in boxers, playing baseball! Lets just begin right now by saying that the "arrangement was NOT going to work. And no, I don't care that the ball is "soft". And why do you have five Victoria's Secrets catalogs laying on the floor..wait a minute are those from THE LAST 3 MONTHS?! Have you been stealing my VS catalogs!?!? Yeah of course they were mailed to you, a 12 year old boy..sure, and I also got a car today for just being alive..." Needless to say some phone calls were made to my father who had left for Home Depot (note to dad, they don't open until 11 on sundays.) begging him to come home and save me. Now. Before I kick them all with the 4 inch stilletos that you don't know I have hidden in my closet. along with the mini skirt and other things that you might consider "hooker wear", or in my case, things I will wear when I get to college.
That was my morning, I was saved (not really) when that guy I call "dad" managed to drag himself home and then I begged and pleaded and cried until he took me to Whole Foods, since someone had not taken me for 3 weeks and that same person managed to use and eat all of my food. Sure, I could go alone and save someone (my father) the time of driving me to the store and then waiting while I shopped, but that same someone doesn't like to let me use his car without him in it,because he is TERRIFIED that I will crash his beloved car, even though I have been driving for 2 years and have not once crashed. Sure, he'll let me drive other people's cars with or without a 3 year old in the backseat, but between letting me borrow his keys to drive down the street or a snowball not melting in FL, well the snowball has a better chance.
I went to dinner tonight with a friend who just broke up with her first boyfriend, because he had been "using her for sex", also known as a "bootycall". My response was something of the nature of, "duh, I told you that 4 months ago when he told you that he wanted to break up, but continue to have a "relationship" sweetie normal guys don't do that." I was not very sympathetic, but I mean I had told this girl the same thing for the last 4 months, DUMP HIS ASS, go find someone else, ect. She finally came to her senses when he wouldn't return her calls to "hang out" because he was surfing...hey, whatever it takes for some people. I brought her out tonight to have a celabratory dinner and then a movie (Get Smart is amazing, definitly go see it!).
In summary my weekend was amazing and I hope everyone elses was too! Now back to the workweek..I have lots of math practice that is due by Tuesday, fractions and inequalities here I come!!

High school reunions and cranky toddlers

I don't even know where to begin with the events of tonight. It seemed like it was NEVER.going.to.end.ever.
I was working tonight as I always do, however I was still burnt out from yesterday night and I really hoped that A would be easy - wrong. Never hope, never assume - lesson # 1. D had her 20 year hs reunion and I have to say that there is no doubt in my mind that I will never, ever put that much work into mine as she did her. She was on the organization committee and lets just say that I really don't have any desire to see the people I went to highschool with 20 years from now. If they want to see me, well than thats another story, but come on I don't even see the people I went to middle school with (no, facebooking eachother doesn't count). Not going to happen. Sure I'll go to the reunion if I get extremely successful, lose so much weight that I fit into a size 2, marry Mr.Hottness, and have a line up of fabulous children who's pictures will heal the blind, but I'm thinking thats probably not going to happen.
Actually I'll probably go because of the urge I have to see who (Insert any ghetto name here) ended up with, how many baby daddies they had, and who's working at Rachel's - the local strip joint. I will laugh my ass off at the cheerleaders that gained 50 pounds in pregnancy or college life, and I really, really want to laugh at the rich bitches that always ignored me (funny because I too could be a rich bitch) about how their life sucks. and mine totally won't. In fact it almost makes me want to start dress shopping now.
I just realized how off topic I got. I came on here to rant and scream about how the night was a tornado of craziness, but instead I really don't feel like it. My sleep deprived eyes are getting heavier and heavier and I'm not that pissed off that my boss decided to grace me with their presence at 12:30 AM..after not telling me ahead of time. and that I missed going out for sushi with a friend thats leaving for college.and that I had to deal with a cranky toddler who insisted that she "COULD NOT WALK" for the entire night because she "FELL ON THE SIDEWALK 3 HOURS PRIOR AND THE LEG STILL REALLY HURTS AND I WILL SCREAM AT YOU UNTIL YOU COME GET ME, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE 3 BURNING POTS ON THE STOVE. AND NO BINDI THE JUNGLE GIRL IS THE ONLY THING I WANT TO WATCH WHILE YOU COOK DINNER BUT YOU HAVE TO SIT HERE WITH ME SO THE DOG WON'T EAT MY BANDAID." - yes that was my night......definitly makes you think twice about having children.

She makes my heart melt

Today was the first day that I had seen A alone since she got back from Italy. I missed her little person self!

We went swimming for 4 hours (4!! how?!)and the girl has learned sooo much better than last year! The swim instructor she has now is brilliant compared to the guy from last year, not only can A now swim underwater (without screaming that she's going to die) she can also pop up for air (although the person in the pool with her has to scream "breath" constantly). A gave me quiet the workout jumping in and out of the pool and was about to fall asleep in my arms while we layed in the sun to get dried off.

I had to put her to bed tonight and I assumed that it would be easy since she was exhausted- wrong. I stuck her in her crib and I did the normal routine of rubbing her back, singing, ect. Than I told her goodnight and I went to walk out of the room and she started screaming that she had to go to the bathroom. Our convo went something like this.

Me: You're all snuggled in bed, you don't have to go to the bathroom, plus you have a pull up on.

A: (Crying) I haaaave to go potty! Please!! I have to go

Me: you're sure? absolutly positive? If I take you to the bathroom and you don't go, I'm going to be mad.

A: yes, I have to go.

So I pick her up and we get to the bathroom, take off pajama bottoms, pull up and of course she doesn't have to go. I take her back into her room, put her back in crib and she starts crying again.. it was strange since she hasn't done that in forever. I'm about to walk out the door when she cries out, "Will you always hear me?" "of course" I reply. Like that she stopped crying..guess my little lovebug just wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to go anywhere. Than she goes "I love you with all my heart" awwww. I always tell her that I love her before she goes to bed, but this was the first time she had done that before me!

It's moments like those that just melt me and make me LOVE my job, regardless of everything else.

Tag, I'm it.

Somone sent this to me in an e-mail so I thought I would repost it here, just so people can get to know me a little bit better..

A--Attached or Single? Very much single..unfortunatly
B--Best Friend? Kelly
C-- Cake or Pie? I LOVE cake..although I make a mean pumpkin pie
D-- Day of Choice? I'm pretty fond of Fridays
E-- Essential Item? In the catagory of health it's definitly toothpaste - I'm neurotic about it.
F--Favorite Color? pink
G-- Gummy Bears or Worms? got to love the worms
H-- Hometown? West Palm Beach, FL
I-- Indulgence(s)? Shopping for expensive things, cake, jewlry
J-- January or July? It's July right now...
K-- Kids? I personally don't have any (which is a good thing, considering my age) but I'm a nanny to one!
L-- Life is Incomplete Without? Sleep? food? I have no idea?
M-- Marriage Date? when I get married I'll let you know, but I need a man first.
N-- Number of siblings? 1 brother
O-- Oranges or Apples? Oranges..I'm a Floridian after all!
P-- Phobias or fears? insecets, reptiles, infertility
Q-- Quotes? I have wayyy too many that I LOVE and apply to my life
R-- Reason to Smile? A 3 year old loves me, flaws and all
S-- Season? fall and winter
T-- Tag 5 People? Anyone who wants to do this. I would like to read it.
U-- Unknown Fact? I've had five surgeries on the inside of my ears
V-- Very Favorite Store? For the catagory of underwear its Victoria's Secret
W-- Worst Habit? I curse like a sailor around everyone except kids
X-- Xray or Ultrasound? Ultrasound - I can't wait to have one! (hopefully it will lead to a baby)
Y-- Your Favorite Food? Thai, Greek, Italian, and ice cream
Z-- Zodiac? Libra

Greetings from Florida

I just put one of those Livetracker feed things on here to see if anyone (besides Val and Kelly) were actually reading this thing, and I see that they are! I just wanted to say hi to the visitors from Rochester, NY and Jensen Beach, FL...

Feel free to comment and say hi...if you have your own blog I would love to read it sometime.

K

To whom it may concern

Dear Family,

Although there is only 3 of us living in this household, I must first acknowledge that living with you two is not a piece of cake. That said there are some things I would like to express. First of all, when I go to Miami for FIVE days, and the cabinets were already close to empty, and I give you a DETAILED grocery list, you might want to maybe consider GOING to the grocery while I'm away. Because when I get home after a LONG weekend, the last thing I want to do is go to the store. on my bike. in the 100 degree weather. after spending the day with a 3 yr old. I understand if you do not want to pick up my feminie products, but really would it be so terribly hard to pick up some Organic Frozen Chicken, Organic Valley Heavy Whipping Cream, 365 Organic frozen berries, and Smart Corn gluten free rice cakes that you so kindly ate the last of?

My shopping at Whole Foods and GreenWise is very minimal, therefore it would help me in the future if you would pick up listed items. Also? when you ask why I've been eating take out or Mrs. Leepers Gluten Free pasta with eggplant marinara for the last 2 weeks, don't be startled when I tell you it's because there is no other food in the house. I understand that you at the age of 56 might be able to live on rice cakes, tomatoes, and salmon, but your 17 year old daughter can not. It's probably not the healthiest thing for your 12 year old son to be eating a whole entire frozen pizza each night either, but hey that's just my input.

Now that the food part has been addressed lets talk about unexpected visitors. You may not be aware that I sleep in a large tee shirt, but I do. Also, I am young, which means that I don't get up before 9 AM, which I have expressed to you before. So please do not call the repairman and tell him to arrive at 8 AM without me knowing, thus causing me to roll out of bed, looking drunk, throw on a robe (or in today's case answer the door without pants, just the long shirt) and stumble to the door. The repairman and I have become very well aquainted now that he's seen my ass and what I look like rolling out of bed, hell next time he'll probably just crawl in bed with me, unless of course you put the new lock on my door like I've been beggging you to do for months.

To my brother, I understand that you don't like the concept of bathing, however do NOT run through my house, with the freshly mopped floors with your filthy dirty feet. I beg of you to please start adhering to basic hygeine rules and then maybe? that girl you like will start callling. Also if you could stop bringing the 5th grader with the pierced ear over? that would be lovely, thanks. And when your friends do come over, if you could explain to them that my $50.00 bra's in the washing machine are NOT to be touched by their preverted hands that too would be great.

I feel for the pair of you when I go off to college, I really do. Because NewsFlash - the maid service stops in exactly a year....than what?

Love, K..

Much better

I feel so much better today than I did a few days ago and now I have some lovely stories to tell.

A (who's nickname is "Lovebug" ) had cousins come over from NJ this past weekend!

The girl cousin, M was my age and was so so talented on the piano. She's trying to get into Princeton - wow.

I watched A last Thursday and I tried to teach her some new things. As much as her parents care about her, they don't really get the whole "teaching" thing down. I've suggested playing "school" or even starting with some simple home-school things, since that's what they're planning on doing. Anyways my attempts to get A to recognize letters, failed horribly!

She is three and I'm not a teacher, but I'm pretty sure that 3 yr olds should know some basic letters, right? We read all the time and I'm constantly pointing out letters but she's just not interested. She can count to 20, does some basic baby sign language, can speak in full sentences, can swim (yay!), sing her ABC's, and is potty trained, but I can't help feeling that she may be lacking in some areas. I try to get her to spell her name, even going so far to make up a song for her to remember it by (to the tune of "ABC"), but nothing. Guess we'll just have to keep trying, right? Anyone have any ideas?

A learned how to play pool over the weekend, thanks to her cousins!! It's actually pretty funny. Instead of using a stick (that's bigger than her) she uses to her hands to push the balls into the pockets. Only drawback is she starts to get them to go pretty fast and I don't want them to slam into her hand, so every few seconds I'm yelling "hands"!

I would LOVE to stick more cute photos on here, since she is so adorable, but her parents have got me paranoid over doing so. She got into chocolate cookies the other day and she's never had them before..long story short, she kept trying to sneak them when I would go do laundry or go to the bathroom until she finally suceeded! Her face was COVERED in chocolate and when I asked if she had a cookie her reply was, "no. Goldilocks ate it." umm sure she did.

She's in ballet camp for the first time ever this week for mornings and I LOVE that she's getting to be around other kids!! She is so sheltered (I can't find any play groups, ect) and the fact that she is with other kids is wonderful!! I asked her how she liked it the other day and she got all quiet.. Than she puckered up her face and declared that she was not going to go back because they wouldn't let her take home her drawing..poor kid. Today was day 3 out of 5 and it's gotten better.

Hopefully we're going to be going swimming tommorow. She got the cutest bathing suit from Italy and I can't wait to see it on her! Plus it will also give us something to do, as the heat is getting crazy unbearable!

Struck down again

I haven't posted anything in quite a while, which isn't all that odd for me.
I love writing, but sometimes I need response from people so I've been "journaling" in e-mails...
Lots of things to tell, but am very sick at the moment.
I took a bad pill yesterday that was supposed to clear up some acne on face. As a result I got the worst headache I have ever had in my life, my ear hurts, and I'm hot, sweaty and feel like crap. Never ever again.
To top it all off, it's been a bit of an emotional day today, things have been building up inside and I just cried and cried for an hour today. I haven't seen myself get so upset like that in quite a while.
I'm just so confused right now and really need prayer.
If anyone is reading this, a prayer would be lovely...
I can't look at the computer screen anymore, eyes hurt...have to go get laser tommorow morning.
xoxo
promise to write more soon.

I am a peace maker?

This was on someone else's blog from which I read and I decided to do it myself!
Sounds sort of like me..


http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/whatamilike/index_5.shtml?personality_type=peacemaker


Your answers suggest you are a Peacemaker
The four aspects that make up this personality type are:
Summary of Peacemakers
Value personal freedom
Particularly sensitive to the feelings of others
Think of themselves as steady, gentle and sympathetic
Others may mistake their quiet nature for weakness
More about Peacemakers
Peacemakers focus on the present and enjoy helping others in practical ways. They are sensitive to the world around them and take quiet joy from people and nature, particularly animals. Peacemakers value close relationships, but it may take time for others to get to know them.
Peacemakers are the most likely group to say they dislike reading history books, according to a UK survey.
Peacemakers live by a set of personal values, which they work hard to reflect in their everyday life. They would rather support an activity than organise it. When they do find themselves in leadership positions, they observe quietly and lead by example.
In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Peacemakers may withdraw and become self-critical. Under extreme stress, Peacemakers may become even more critical of themselves and others and make harsh judgements about minor issues.
Peacemakers tend to show someone how much they care about them by helping them in a practical way rather than putting their feelings into words.
Peacemaker Careers
Peacemakers are often drawn to jobs that allow them to serve others and require close attention to detail.
It's important to remember that no survey can predict personality type with 100 percent accuracy. Experts say that we should use personality type to better understand ourselves and others, but shouldn't feel restricted by our results.
Overall results
The graph below shows the percentage of people with each personality type out of everyone who has taken this test.
Big Thinkers
Counsellors
Go-getters
Idealists
Innovators
Leaders
Masterminds
Mentors
Nurturers
Peacemakers
Performers
Providers
Realists
Resolvers
Strategists
Supervisors