Relationships - a thing of the past?

I just got off the phone with a guy who supposedly likes me for me, thinks I'm beautiful and talented and can make him laugh. I'm perfect for him, but he doesn't want to date me. Why? Because he doesn't want to be attatched because his heart has already been broken too many times. Wonderful.

Let me start from the beginning. I recently on Facebook decided to join a group for the FGCU class of '13 to meet some people before I get to school. Today a guy decides to contact me out of the blue. He lives near me and goes to school with people I know. We're talking on facebook chat and we're making jokes, laughing, innocent flirting whatever. Than he asks for my phone number which I don't even hesitate to give to him (score one for me for being stupid). We keep talking and then he asks me how I feel about "hooking up". Let me clarify a few things. 1) I don't hook up with people, I want relationships. Call me old fashioned, a prude, whatever, but as of right now I'm traditional and want that kind of love.

I may have lead him on however to believe that yeah, hooking up is fine. What I meant though is that hooking up after dating is fine. You want to kiss me on the first date? fine go ahead.

After we facebook chat for a while, I begin to get a bit nervous. I'm thinking, "omg what have I done?! This guy doesn't even know me", but I let the fact that he gave me a 6 out of 10 in the looks department get to my head. After all, it's higher than I ever give myself. This guy has got the wrong girl. He wants to be friends with benefits and I don't think thats something that I can do. At least not now.

We talked on the phone for an hour and half and I think I hurt him or something. I finally told him that he was a wonderful guy, but that we wanted differnt things. He wants friends with benefits, I want a relationship. He thinks that the friends with benefits thing can turn into a relationship, I think that just being friends and nothing else could also turn into a relationship. He wants to meet Friday night and go out and make out in a car. It's at this point that the butterflies in my stomach have been replaced with naseua. I can't do this, I'm not that kind of girl. I haven't even had my first REAL kiss yet and I don't want it to be wasted on some casual hooking up.

Finally after I tell him that I just want to be friends and take it from there, we hang up and our hour and 30 min conversation comes to an end. It's over and I have a feeling I won't be hearing from this guy again. I feel numb. How can someone say such wonderful things about you one minute and then just stop once you tell them "no" or change your mind? I admit, I may have led him on, telling him that at some point sure, there were possibilities for hooking up, but I didn't mean now. I meant lets become friends first and see where it goes from there.

I'm so confused and I don't know what to think. Should I just have hooked up with him? Is it better that I told him over the phone instead of in person, so it wouldn't have more embarrassing? Am I being to prudish? Did I completely screw up everything!?

I just don't understand. I had the opportunity to have what I've wanted for all these years right in my hands, and then I let it go. Why? Because inside I just knew it wasn't right. I don't want a hook up, I want a relationship. Is it stupid to even think that people still have those these days?! Have times changed so dramatically that we are all just searching around for our next hook up, never to find a lasting relationship? If so, did I miss the memo that went around? I see blog after blog with women and their husbands and I think to myself, "I want that. I want the family that I don't have now." and I know in my heart that I'll get it someday, but how I don't know. What if this could have been something and I blew it.

I panicked. I didn't know what I was doing and I was drowning. I used my life raft before I needed too, when I could have easily swam out. It was stupid to give my phone number, I know that now. It was even stupider to listen to him and how he "feels" about me. Honestly, he didn't/doesn't even know me, how could he have such strong feelings for me? I feel confused, but at the same time I think I did what was right. I listened to the little voice inside my head that said, "this isn't what you want.", now I'm left wondering though, why do I feel so bad?